Wasted Honor -- - Say What you Need To Say......: My Shitty Days

Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, October 9, 2015

My Shitty Days - a Plague of no End

My Shitty Days, a Plague of no End

Outside, it’s raining cats and dogs, the streets are flooded and I haven’t seen the sun for days. Now normally, that would be a good thing for me but the days have been shitty and my roof is leaking more than usual.
The weather forecasters have predicted the El Nino will arrive soon, but the rains has already arrived to make the hills slide in motion with cruddy mud as gravel tumbles down to block the almost empty roads so some people are trapped where they are, hoping that someone realizes the storm has cast a darkness on their lives from the inside out and find them.
Inside, my current state of affairs a fire is spreading like a famine, much like the plague did back when as it traveled through cats and dogs and rats making my life even shittier. Having a good life is hard enough without having shitty days. The rain usually cleanses the soul and brings the sunshine back after a few hours. But not today, not yesterday and maybe not tomorrow.
As the heavy rain pounds the rooftops of the red brick house, the roof is straining in weakness as the newly cracks formed, allowing the water to enter inside where the pain is even more than desired under circumstances such as this. Negativity dwells largely inside those hollows created by darkness and depression.
All these thoughts are like a plague, the way the water is eroding the soil is equivalent as my house, still standing but being tested like a house of cards dampened by rain, ready to fall. Inside my mind, my sanity is eating away. I know that in a case like this, it’s time to fall down on your knees and pray.
My ears hear the devil’s dance, I know he is laughing and shouting out with glee how he has penetrated my mind and slowly depressing me. It is hard to keep my heart dancing to a spiritedly tune for the darkness I cannot escape as the light remains hidden now for days.
I swear to God, my sanity never escaped, my mind is struggling to fight this oppression by nature’s wrath cast by shadows and walls of water. Not with my death, not with my age, will I succumb to the darkness; as God is my judge, I swear l will only allow the darkness to remain only as my guest and then cast it aside when the light returns to cover the heart, the doubts and pain endured. I know it will come.
There is not much to say about nothing, this time of solitaire will soon disappear. I am worth living, I ride life’s highway in the fast lane, the eternal journey lane and the passing lane just so I can see who believes me and who can see me. I fear nothing or no one – I love life.
Some days, I get ahead, some days I fall behind but it’s not about giving up or dying. I’m thinking of the moments ahead when the sunlight brightens up the skies once again and dries out my house, my heart and my mind of all this darkness. I know it will come.
So if you can hear me, now is the time I am suppose to leave but as I said before, this is not about dying, this is about life and trying to live better than ever before, I’m doing better, better than before and I wrote this poem to let you know, that whatever the rain may bring, it will never make me quit and say, “I don’t need you no more.”
I pray to God, these words will find another, so I left it on the floor for you to see or read. Cause I am doing better, better than ever before. What am I supposed to do about the famine, the hunger, the wars and mass shootings? Where has the sanity gone as the morality is stuck on the bottom of the deck of cards that deals us misery and doom, darkness and gloom.
I can’t deal with all these problems, I refuse to get involved anymore than praying for those who died or harmed by the senseless cowardly acts around us. I grabbed a bottle and popped some pills but the pain won’t go away so I won’t do that again. I pray for wisdom and hop that this madness will soon end.
What is the common factor? How come every time the world deals the Ace of Spades, the world chases after it while the rest of us turn and run backwards away from the fight. I feel emotions; I have seen words unspoken as I am tired of broken promises of the pursuit of happiness and seeing the light. Take a look at me now, take a look at me now, I am doing better – life is better, because I am doing better than ever before. I took the time to talk to Jesus, I took the time to have the faith I needed to know that it will always get better. I know it will come.