Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Working on Volume II - Amazing Grace - Part VIII




Amazing Grace –


The El Niño Legend

(Surviving the Zombie Invasion)



Carl R. ToersBijns, author







Chapter Six


Carl entered the kitchen and with tiled floors and solid walls, there were no window in this solid granite fortification, therefore it was impossible to tell whether it was raining outside or not. He was certain there would be no sunshine this morning as that had been the case for the past three weeks since the El Nino arrived.

When he entered the kitchen, he saw Heather and Grace at the preparation island, making something to eat for breakfast, and what looked like they grabbed some cold cereal. Smiling their way, he reached in for his iron skillet and took out three eggs, some virgin olive oil and a package of bacon. Taking his time, he grabbed two slices of wheat bread and poured himself a hot cup of coffee.

Carl had been concerned about Heather’s wellness, as these thunderstorms, day after day, appeared to have caused her some discomfort or mental anguish. Grace had told him that thunderstorms had always given Heather the scares and that it was normal. On the other hand, Carl noticed a sign of depression and wanted to talk about it soon.

Even now, being secured and safe inside the bunker, Heather, a girl of the age of six, it was hard for her to deal with the reality that existed around her, as she was absolutely frightened at the loud claps of thunder and the sudden bright flashes from the lightning.

Sitting here in the dark bunker whether it was day or night, seemed to take on a more frightening quality that was something they needed to worry about.  She had a tough time dealing with all that for the moment.

Perhaps it was time the two adults took her out a little more, instead of leaving her inside here inside her concrete box of a room. The mood was light and Carl wanted to talk to Grace about this sometime soon.

In the meantime, Grace greeted him with a passionate hug as the sight of her splendor brought an extra-long smile that was saying, “Good morning babe.” She crept up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist and tightly hugged him.

Talking low with a low sardonic tone, Grace smiled and said, I don’t know about you, but that cold cereal didn’t hit the spot; do you feel like making me some of your specialty of bacon and eggs? I am so hungry after all that exercise last night.”

Smiling genuinely this time around, Carl said, “sure, give me a moment and I will fix it right up so if you want, go ahead and sit there at the island and I’ll hurry to get your breakfast ready.”

She squeezed his hand and kissed him on the back of his neck with some deliberate slow and sensually and seductive lingering up close and personal, letting Carl smell the fragrance of sweet honey that was so natural and so strong whenever she was standing close to him. She knew it drove him crazy.

By then, Heather had left the kitchen after eating her cold cereal and headed for the bathroom to brush her teeth. For the time being, the two were alone in the kitchen. Grace slid her hands under Carl’s tee shirt and pinched his nipples extra hard. A loud scream resonated through the cavern as Carl yelled out with pain.

 Carl grabbed Grace and boosted her up in the air, showing how strong he was by merely lifting her up without any effort. Swirling her around a little while up in the air, he gently put her down with a little bit of a sign that he was a little out of breath.

Suddenly, he lifted her up soft and tenderly laid his eyes on her eyes, and then slowly put her back down on the tile floor. Catching his breath, Carl hugged her from behind, placing his hands up her front and slithering his hands towards the curves of her stunningly sculptured breasts that were very revealing through the sheer white tee shirt she was wearing.

Good-humoredly, Grace covered his hands that were softly squeezing her while cupping her breasts and then Carl, forcefully, pressed his hard body against her.

Her sexiness was beginning to create a stirring and passionate moment for the two of them standing there in the kitchen.

He could feel her nipples protruding through the thin cloth and once again, just about the time he thrusted his body against her buttocks, his cock was rock hard and erect under his shorts that were pressed firmly against her ass. He wanted her to feel his manhood as it was pressed against her firm and tight buns.

Her nicely proportioned body was attractively shaped and revealed her athletic form well. She had well rounded breasts that were not extra-large but not small as they were perfectly sized, nicely shaped and fitted well in his groping hands. Anything more would have been a wasted pleasure.

He retaliated her earlier torture by pinching her erected nipples hard, as she let out a slightly aggravated yelp and winched with the sting. This kind of roughhousing was their way of foreplay and usually led to a wild moment of sexual pleasure.

After a few seconds, she released his hands and slapped them lightly, teasingly saying, “You’re burning my bacon.”

Laughing, they both sat down at the table and tucked their plates directly in front of them. Sitting on the opposite sides, Carl sipped on his coffee while Grace gulped down another tall glass of orange juice.

Looking up to Grace, he said, “I don’t really feel hungry this morning, I think I made my meal just out of habit and didn’t even think about whether I was hungry or not.” Surprised, Grace responded, “you are always hungry in the morning, what’s wrong.”

“I am not quite sure how I feel about what we did last night, I mean, don’t take this wrong cause the sex is great but I am wondering where this is all going and how do we deal with this so we don’t hurt each other.”

Grace said softly, “I promise you this, I won’t hold anything against you; you are under no obligation to take care of us after we are all free from this madness and back in the routines we had before the El Nino hit us so hard.”

Carl tried to reassure her he was not feeling guilty but that he was concerned about the emotions in this relationship. He was just thinking out loud and sighed loudly. Then he spit it out “I enjoyed it too much to risk doing anything that might stop it happening again.”

Grace, always level headed and calm, paused for a second.  “Perhaps we should cool the jets a bit and not take any more risks like that again” she replied seemingly irritated and somewhat hurt as she said in a caustic voice, “what are you planning to do today?”

Carl had learned a long time ago that when a woman changes the subject, the conversation had ended. Quietly he stood up and placed his cup and plate in the sink.

Then, moving his eyes on a hurting Grace, he spoke very slowly and with a serious expression, he walked over to her and gently rubbed her shoulders.

After standing behind her a couple of seconds, he noticed her shoulders heaving up and down and realized she was crying – she was dismayed and uncertain what just went down and what the problem really was.

He knew her tears were real and didn’t know how to handle this and not make it worse than it already had gotten. Carl reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders and reassured her that all is good and that he just wanted to make sure nobody got hurt.

They had been lovers for about three weeks now. They both loved the demanding passion and fire. There was definitely a clear lust, passion and neediness for each other’s desires.

Ever since that night outside the bunker, they have enjoyed every moment of being together. They usually make love at night and sometimes during the day but are always worried that Heather may walk through the door at any moment. It seems that ever since Grace has been sneaking over to Carl’s room at night, they have been screwing longer and longer and sometimes, before they even make it to the bedroom. Sometimes they drift in the relaxation room and find the couch and chairs useful for their obsessive sexual moments.

A hard confession would lead to an admission of having sex in every room except Heather’s, leaving the kitchen island stand, the laundry room and the shower. When their asses were in need of sex they landed wherever or whatever was the closest.

Carl likes to fuck hard and had great stamina – Grace likes it at anytime, anywhere and was very accommodating how they wanted to fuck. She had never once has said ‘no’ to his sexually unambiguous advances.

Sometimes they go at it for more than an hour as he pounds her hard as she never complains no matter how bad her pussy hurts. Grace had let it be known to Carl she loves to suck his dick. In fairness to Carl, he never complained about her doing him that way.

They have their favorite or preferred positions but no matter how they do it, they always end it laying silently wrapped in each other’s arms, usually perking up after a short rest and start it all over again.

Mixing it up with a wide variety of pleasure and sex games, this changing the rules and styles of making love kept their passion on fire. They experienced euphoria almost every time they were intimate together.

Afterwards, they would stare into each other’s eyes and talk small talk before falling asleep together. Carl saw a reasonable gap in their conversation to bring up his concerns about Heather.

He had talked about it briefly with Grace and told her he was not comfortable leaving her here alone for a couple hours when they went to scavenge or find supplies. She confessed she felt the same.

Today, he wanted to talk about her fear of the thunder and lightning.

It seems she was having real trauma whenever she heard or saw the thunder storms roll up and unleash its fury. At least, this was what Carl had observed whenever she was with them.

Deciding that maybe it was time they asked Heather what was bothering her, Grace called her to the relaxation room. Sitting there and waiting for her to come, Carl whispered to Grace, “don’t be hard on her, she is just a kid. I remember when I was a kid and afraid of the thunder.”

Grace laughed and said, “Hard to imagine you were afraid of anything when you were a kid, stud.” Carl took the joke and patiently sat there quietly as Grace began to talk to Heather about her fear of the thunderstorms.

The conversation started politely and to the point. Grace was being kind and asking for Heather to explain her feelings. Somewhere between the fears of the thunder she started talking about the fear of being alone. It seemed Heather had her own story to tell her mother and the man sitting quietly in this room.

Heather began to speak slowly. For a six year old she was very good at expressing how she felt or what she needed. Suddenly, without a warning, she opened up on something both of the adults were unaware of until Heather explained it in full particulars of her inner fears.

Heather spoke and said, “There were times I woke up in the middle of the night hearing the thunder and reaching for my mommy but I couldn’t find her until the next morning. Knowing my mommy was just right down the hall, I tried not to scream or cry or even get more scared so I waited until it was time to get up.”

Grace and Carl were mummified and shocked. Heather kept talking and revealed more of her story. Heather didn’t stop there. She revealed more by saying, “There were times I walked down the hallway and tried looking for mommy and heard her and Carl inside the bedroom making noises.

I didn’t want to tell, so I often slept in to give her time to get back to the room before I pretended to wake up and say good morning to mommy.”

Spending not too much time outside, didn’t eliminate Heather’s fear of the storms. In fact, she claimed she could tell it was raining and thundering outside even when the bunker was soundproof but when she looked out the square window she saw the flashes.

The thunder was silent but she knew, where there was lightning there was rolling thunder. Although slightly noticed, the ground did shake on some of those wacks especially those close ones.

She said that every time she heard the thunder, the window shook or rumbled. The lightning filled the sky in a flash bulb effect, freezing her to the window and being really scared; so scared she would start running away to hide in her room, where she would cover herself under the blankets.

Carl was stunned. Grace was amazingly calm but disturbed none the less that her daughter had revealed secrets that showed she had more trauma to deal with at the shelter as well as what was happening out side with the killings of zombies and the rolling thunderstorms.

This wasn’t just about the El Nino storms, this wasn’t just about the killings that she witnessed but ad to be done in order to survive. This had to do more with taking a small child out of her own house and moving into a strange house that wasn’t the same for her.

She had no ideas how to act or play inside this new house. She was definitely confused and miserable.

She was sad to leave all the good experiences in her old house behind. She missed her own bedroom and missed her friends. This had completely been lost in the midst of all the zombie generated chaos.

She missed not having an upstairs and her own bathroom. She loved playing on the stairs and missed that so much, it made her unhappy.

Her room had a big closet that had a door that creaked when you opened it and she was used to the noises it made.

She missed her favorite lamp that she knew how to turn on when she had to go the bathroom at night. Heather said it was sad being inside this room she was staying in as it was not her real room and that it made her feel alone and she was scared to be alone.

Heather added, “Not because of the storms mommy, but because I was not in my own house. It wasn’t the same. I miss my room.” It was then that they realized she had not adjusted to the shelter.

Although they coped and functioned normally with a natural adaptation, Heather didn’t adapt and held on to the old days and old ways.  They had to find a way to resolve this so Heather could sleep with peace and mind and not be afraid any longer.