Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Confusion during the Awakening of your Conscious

Dawn of Confusion and Conscious Awakening



How can you trust your own mind, intuitive guidance and conscious beliefs when it is filled with contradictory internal and circular arguments, thoughts and feelings? How do you deal with the dawning of this confusion and conscious awakening that is tearing you apart? One must learn to trust the head and the heart but it’s easier said than done.

One day, whether early morning after a night’s sleep or just before going to bed, you may have such an experience suspecting or feeling confused, paralyzed and overwhelmed with a moral dilemma to do what is right and stop this inner turmoil inside the head and heart. It is one of the most painful experiences known to mankind but it is often a major decision that has to be made at one time or another.

The anxiety of being faced with a crossroad in life where a next decision must be made in order to move forward from this stopped, stuck place, is often tremendously stressful. No easy debate to follow as it is so paralyzing in way we feel. Dealing with such negative stressful forces can make the situation insurmountable in every aspect of life and sometimes hopeless.

Making a decision under such conditions means dealing with two forces very different in nature as you learn to listen to your heart in one situation and use your head in the same circumstance. How do you know which is right? The fact is, making decisions under such conditions can be very impossible without a little help. Two major questions come up to deal with:

·         Which do I trust in this situation with which I am faced: the head or the heart?

·         How do I know what to listen to? How can I trust my own inner guidance when I am confused and stuck in contradictory circular inner arguments, thoughts, and feelings?

Let’s examine these two forces: the head and the heart, each in turn as they both speak different languages we all understand. However, when they exist at the same time, or they are circular in values, then it becomes more important to pay attention how you “think” in such a situation. This is the first clue in such situations – keeping it rational and logical if at all possible.

The Heart of the Matter are arguments which contain feelings related to your soul and can be stronger than the head in the emotional feelings of desire and passion. It may appear timid but it does not feel fear – rather it thrives on love, either self-narcissistic ways or the love or powerful appeal for something or someone else.

The heart takes us to risky and unknown paths in life. It creates confusion strong enough to avoid making a decision. This inner conflict between the wishes of the heart versus the voice of the head makes it hard to decide which is the right path to take.

The Head of the Matter are arguments that the heart does not feel. The head is emotionless and comparative with a thorough thought process that includes fear. It is your mind corrupted by human flaws such as greed, lust, and wealth as enticements or incentives to make decisions.

The head enlists the thinking process to do the comparative process and decides what is best on motive, expectations and desires. In other words, unlike the heart, it tries to convince us what is the safest, best or most desirable decision to make based on fear of making the wrong decision.

Under most circumstance, the heart and the head will fight boldly and argue the situation persuasively and seductively in favor of a compromise or fulfillment of some sort. The outcome depends on what you long for the most in life. The head may dictate a status quo in your life while your heart may seek a change. Patience is a virtue when faced with such difficult situations.

On the other hand, since the head is always looking out for potential risks in keeping you safe, it might act as our bodyguard and convince you to change your mind contrary to your heart’s desires. Since our heart does not monitor fear, our head keeps our wits about us! It is our heads that trigger the “fight or flight” syndrome inside our body and changes our hormones to deal with the fear or survival needs. If it were not for the head or intelligence we possess, our ability to sustain and survive life would be seriously impaired.

Recognizing this argument between heart and head we can see the heart seats itself as our pleasure mechanism or triggers of passion, pulling the heartstrings in many different directions. Without our heart, we would not experience love, explore the freedoms and beauty of life and in all practical terms, be a dead heartless species. One can quickly see how that impacts our decision making capabilities as well as our moral values.  

We have to come to some balanced sense of clarity and courage of choice of actions or directions. The best course to take is the do the stepping with true conscious awareness of the dynamics and inner dialogue that goes on between the head and the heart from an authentic self – this translates into making a decision by yourself, and not follow the advice of others involved or witnessing this inner struggle.

This is your story – your challenge and your decision. Making or taking the right action or decision depends on your values and staying true to your own nature, mind, heart and conscious awareness.