The logic of Survivor’s Guilt - The fact exists that the moral logic of experiencing what we call as
Survivor Guilt is very complex and difficult to understand. If
there is one thing we have learned from returning war veterans - especially
those of the last few decades - it's that the emotional reality of the soldier
at home is often at odds with that of the civilian public they left behind. This
is a significant factor in perception.
Comparing combat conditions to peaceful
standards is undoubtedly very skewed and misleading for the mind to understand
and adjust to under stressful and anxious
moments of reliving certain events.
While our friends and
families of returning service members may be experiencing gratefulness or
relief, many of those they've welcomed home are likely struggling with other
emotions as well and guilt is usually one of them. Since guilt is so high on
this list, it also carries a heavy burden.
In war, standing here rather than there
can save your life but cost another person their life. It doesn’t matter if it
was some freakish luck or circumstances beyond your control, but somehow you
feel responsible.
The guilt begins an endless
psychological and emotional loop of counterfactuals thoughts that you could
have or should have done otherwise, though,
in fact, you did nothing wrong.
Here is the most important part for the
reader to understand – these feelings are, of course, not restricted to the
battlefield. I want to say that out loud and strongly suggest you merely use
this book as a template of the background of such tragedies.
Given the magnitude of personal and
tragic losses in our lives, they hang heavy there and are pervasive. And they
raise the question of just how irrational those feelings are, and if they
aren't, of what is the basis of their reasonableness. how unreasonable is that
feeling?
Subjective guilt, associated with this
sense of responsibility, is thought to be irrational because one feels guilty
despite the fact that one knows one has done nothing wrong.
Objective or rational guilt, by
contrast-- guilt that is "fitting" to one's actions--accurately
tracks real wrongdoing or culpability: guilt is appropriate because one acted
to deliberately harm someone, or could have prevented harm and did not.
Blameworthiness, here, depends on the
idea that a person could have done something other than he or she did. And so
he is held responsible, by himself / herself or others.
In other words, we often take
responsibility in a way that goes beyond what we can be held responsible for.
And we feel the guilt that comes with that sense of responsibility. A
responsibility that developed over time with those you served with honorable
and realizing that your service was not just a duty to your country but that it
was the love you have for mankind and life as well.
Survivor guilt piles on the unconscious
thought that luck is part of a zero-sum game. To have good luck is to deprive
another of it. The anguish of guilt, its sheer pain, is a way of sharing some
of the ill fate. It is a form of empathic distress. However, I must stress this
highly, do not dwell on regret. In most cases, the culpability for harm caused
fell on others, not you and because of that, you are not morally responsible
for what happened. The only person who can exonerate you of your guilt is
yourself.
What you think you feel are feelings of
guilt, and not simply regret that things didn't work out differently. For some
reason, you decided to carry this awful weight of self-indictment, the empathy
with the victim(s) and survivors, and feel the need to make the moral repair. If you didn’t feel that emotion, you would be thought of as a lesser
person by some and not worthy of respect or friendship.
In all this we might say guilt,
subjective guilt has a redemptive side.
It is a way or comportments or demeanors
some soldiers impose moral order on the
chaos and awful randomness of war's violence. It is a way they humanize war for
themselves, for their buddies, and for civilians, too. Keep that in mind when
someone shares with your their feelings
of guilt and or remorse on this matter.
If this sounds too moralistic than take
peace of mind to the matter of feeling guilt and let it be appropriate or fitting thing to feel because
it's good for society. It is the way we all can deal with war.
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