A moment in time that last forever

Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 9, 2016

A moment in time that last forever

A Moment in Time that last Forever

Walking in peace under the clouds of heaven, my mind was rudely interrupted by the sound of a spinning single pair of bladed evilness connected to an ugly bird above my head. Common to all who served in Nam, the twin-bladed whirling sound of the UH-1H helicopter can quickly bring the devil inside your head without trying.

Although the sound of the helicopter often meant the arrival of angels who come to rescue you, it is also the sound that brings back the evil and horror hidden deep inside the skull and that creeps into the conscious like lava runs to the sea, as it intrudes the peace of the mind with a single stroke of flashbacks and memories that cannot be ignored.

It is a sound that a soldier will not ever forget. It immediately clears the mind of present tense and brings the mind back to the past where it lives forever. The transformation is instant, the peace is gone and the war is on. A war between being sane and insane, chilled and hot-headed and crazy versus pure craziness. It was the worst of times and it binds you to the present or future, whether you like it or not. It controls you better than you can control it.

So as the faint sight of the ugly helo above you streams away like a drifting cloud that makes an earth shuddering noise to your ears, your head goes back in time and already alerted your senses as you can hear the gunfire, the mortar explosions, smell the smoke and fire and the spells of horror that filled your heart with more than the years since it happened for reals.

It is beyond logic or common sense what the eyes have seen as these images are engrained into the mind incessantly and played back repeatedly whenever the sounds of hell are detected or heard above me in the clouds of the open sky. Time and space – it was the worst and best of friends and foe but it was the one binding material in a tapestry of a war of many pieces.

Mostly mental since the war has gone, these dreadful remnants seem to live forever. This Huey was both a bird of a blessing and a companion of pain and sorrow. What was laden on this ugly bird were images of war never taken for granted. Its shape endured all kinds of rain, terrain or weather but its arrival was usually associated with pain, death, and sorrow.

So as the mind travels at the speed of light, you become the unavoidable magnet to the connection between the days of the past and the present. Without any intentions voluntary or involuntary, step into the haze of yesterday’s smoke and fire and stepped into the dirty bird or stepped off the vibrating skids of the ugly bird, devil or angel, to do what you are hired to do – be a soldier.

Your mind breaks into a sweat, your heart is pounding and your fingers seek to hold onto something solid as your knees get weak. Your rifle slung over your shoulder, and your helmet strapped as you jump off the bird onto the ground only to see it drift away into the sky and leaving you behind with others knowing they won’t be back for you for a very long time.

A time that is constant as the smell of the hydraulic fluid while you were sitting on the floor inside the bird moments ago, is replaced by the sulphuric smoke of gunfire and mortar shell around you.

The smoke screen is lifting; your hasty steps are hammering the soft muddy ground as you make for cover the best you can under conditions known only to those who stand or crawl there with you. The weight on your back is only compounded by the role you have – a medic - tied to a unit that is engaged in the horrors of war with an invisible enemy that moves around the jungles and nighttime like ghosts in the sky.

Trying hard to blot out the constant sound of the rotating blade as it eats the air that keep it up there in the sky, you struggle, momentarily falling to the past and all its horrors. You know that there is no scientific way to overcome this dilemma, there is no cure for the past and the momentary physics attached to your memories that will last into eternity.

So you try to divert the anxiety, the stress and the soldier’s decision of ‘fight or flight’ as well as the thoughts of never coming home again. The order is clear to ‘advance the enemy’ and any ideas of turning around were negated by the footsteps of the motion forward.

Reflection in your loneliness this peaceful day takes a toll day after day and when you finally arrive, it wasn’t at all like you pictured it would be. For some reason, your stay with your buddies in uniform as their comforts and companionship gave you more calmness and was emotionally helpful. So it is experienced to be a moment in time that last forever.