Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
































































































































Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Waiting …. Hoping ………. Praying……… Scared


 

 
Being high school sweethearts carries a price not everyone was willing to pay. The pain and agony of being in love with someone at that age takes its toll and makes you do things that otherwise would never enter you mind and give you the courage to step out and commit yourself to love, loyalty and having faith in each other that you are doing the right things in life. Not paying attention to the bigger things in life, you focus your love and energy on the one that makes you feel important.

Love is complicated and very much confusing at the tender age of eighteen and being in a relationship that others referred to as “puppy love” but you know to be a genuine and sincere emotion of love. A love associated with the intimacy of passion, togetherness, trust and hope that you have given your heart to the right person for the rest of your life.

While others are trying to convince you that it’s a passing phase, your heart beats stronger and makes you feel invincible as your pulse races faster rushing the blood to your head and making you dizzy thinking about the overwhelming emotions you have surrendered yourself to day in and day out.

Our hearts beat as one as the rhythm of the rain pounds on the roof during an autumn season downpour in Ohio. Staring out the window and trying to touch the raindrops on the other side of the window pane, we dream about being together hoping that this fire inside will last forever. Laying back against the headboard of the bed we stared at each other and gazed deeply into each other’s eyes as we felt the pulse racing away and our breathing finding shallow levels that simulate suffocation but in a good way rather than the bad.

The day was young, the time was right and we prayed for wisdom as our hands clasped together to make a solemn vow to be together. The thunder in the background drowned out some of our fears but the rain made us think too much and gave away what we were thinking. Young and in love, foolish and anxious to be together, we swore to each other that we were meant for each other.

The plans were set, the wedding day was near and the trip was planned. Too young to marry in Ohio we found a little town in the South where you could get married at 18 without parental consent and we planned to take the trip together in secret and find the justice of the peace so we can finish what we started.

The mood in the house was somber – the majority there felt it was the wrong thing to do and eloping and getting married should not be even considered without telling the parents and friends of both families involved,. The risks were too high and we knew that if we told anyone, they would try to intervene and stop this wedding so we kept it to ourselves and decided to drive down to a little town called Sparta where the atmosphere was laid back and easy on the heart and mind.

Living in Sparta is taking a step back in time. There are people there that are friendly, relaxing and blessed with the awesome views of the Blue Ridge mountain range and living the kind of life one could never experience in Ohio or any other big city as this was Allegheny living at its best.

Estimated to be town of 700 people or less, it was the most peaceful setting one could pray for as it was situation far enough from the bustle of big city living and small enough to know each other by first name basis.

I don’t remember how we learned about this little hide away in the mountains. It really doesn’t matter as long as nobody knows we are headed that way tomorrow. What we did know was this sleepy little town was situated inside the Blue Ridge Mountains of northwest North Carolina and that it had managed to preserve old time religion, practices and charm that made southern culture so pleasant and easy to like.

The care was gassed up and ready to go. The trip was about a good 3 to 4 hour drive depending how fast we drove. The highways were mixed between country roads and highways that would eventually lead us to this sleepy hollow. Not a word was said but it was suspected that someone had a good notion what we were up to as they shared their rumor with others who shared it with family and friends even though they had no idea what the truth really was.

The arrival at the justice of the peace was most uneventful except for the hugs they gave us as they welcomed us into their chambers. After a short talk we were guided towards the podium / alter where the JP stood with Bible in hand and recited the vows and the laws that bound us together as husband and wife. It was not without tears of joy and it was a most blessed event for we felt a heavy burden lifted off our shoulders.

The birds outside the window were chirping and the sun was shining even on this cloudy day. The mood was solemn but happiness was visible in the twinkle of our eyes and the smiles on our faces. Dressed cordially in blue jeans and casual wear, we were married and ready to go back to Ohio to face the reality that awaited us as a newlywed couple.

The drive back home was a long one. We didn’t feel rushed like before and the trip became a leisurely drive along the Blue Ridge parkway that was as beautiful as God created it to be. Stopping for gas and snacking with the little amount of money we had, we made it back to Ohio and told my parents first what we had done.

There were no kisses and hugs or shouts of congratulations. There was fear in their eyes as they told us what had happened while we were gone and why we should be careful about being here. It seemed they had a visitor a day or so ago that was looking for the bride and groom with a shotgun in his arms and an angry tone that scared off the good, the bad and the ugly.

Quietly the story was told – a man came to see me and he had a shotgun in his hand. It appeared he was drunk but not so drunk he could stand and make a threat that if he found me he would kill me dead. The shotgun was a reminder of his threat and the fact that he carried it with such passion was a sure sign he meant what he said and he would do what he meant to do.

My parents described the man to a tee as being short, well rounded and unshaven. His hair was thin and his belly was wearing tonnage that revealed the fact he was a man with a healthy appetite. He was alone when he stepped out of the car driven by a young man they didn’t know but it was almost sure he was related. The man was angry and to the point that when he saw me he would shoot me on sight and that he was determined to keep him away from his daughter.

Somehow, someone had leaked the fact we wanted to elope and get married and he meant to stop it. A day too late and unaware of our plans to wed the day before his arrival, this was only going to make him even angrier when he finds out we are wed. The shotgun was a traditional hillbilly sign of seriousness and commitment to save his family name and honor.

He was bound by hellish ways to keep us apart. Now we had to find a way to break the news were already married and how this would change everything from here on in as we had vowed to never part again.

Weeks went by and not a word was spoken about the man with the shotgun. Feared ruled the moment and silence was golden so that the fear would subside. Although eventually the words had to be spoken, there was no way it could be done without first figuring out how we could meet this man and his shotgun without  it being pointed at me so that I could feel safe to them him the truth.

The parents on both sides were silenced as vows were made not to mingle or interfere with what had happened. The truth would never be told unless someone broke the cycle of fear and told the realities that we were married and committed to remain together even if it meant hearts were to be broken.

They say that time heals all wounds and mends people’s hearts that are betrayed and shattered. Time moved slowly and time did nothing to heal the hatred that was at the surface of the skin but rarely spoken. Realizing that things were still not right, we had decided to go over to the house where the man with the shotgun lived and face the realities and consequences of those whose hearts we had broken.

The mood was somber and the air was filled with suspicion and doubts of our motive to come over and face the man with the shotgun and his wife whose loving arms were extended the moment we arrived and not a harsh word was spoken.

Silently we sat there as the man entered the room and sat down in his favorite chair looking at me with vengeance in his eyes but a mellowed tone that was reasonable and clear how he felt and how he was hurt with pride that his life and daughter were stolen from him without a word or sigh we had decided to run off and get married.

Minutes turned to hours and hours turned to night time as we sat there learning how to cope with the new realities that we were husband and wife and that the parents had finally spoken giving us their lasting blessings and accepted the fact that we were one and legally spoken of as man and wife and now son and daughter.

 

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