Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Alone in the Redwood Forest


Alone in the Redwood Forest


Last night I looked up in the sky and felt a deep painful sensation penetrating my heart.

The dark black draped sky covered the billion stars that usually blink at me as I walk the dark alone

It was so harsh, so unexpected and most of all, it took my breath away, making me feel dizzy and lightheaded like never before I could recall

Except that time when I came back from the war and on my knees I fell, and thanked you from my heart so grateful, that like so many other, in the battle I did not fall


I wanted to feel alive again, I wanted to be free of worry and pain

I knew that running away was not the answer, so here deep in the forest I must stay until I could figure out a way

In time, I could breathe again, the pounding on my chest had stopped and the pain was almost completely gone

Staring up to the sky through the tall tall trees, I felt a lump in my throat and began to ask God why? Why do I feel this pain inside me, oh Lord, what have I done?

Do I not call you my Father, do I not embrace your only son? So tell me Lord, what evil sin have I done?


For years, I have been feeling lonely, oh not the kind where you are alone, but when you feel an emptiness inside you, a rapid heartbeat and a conscience that wouldn’t leave me alone

It happens each and every single time, I think about the past, and those who I had loved once before are now in heaven and already gone

I can’t forget their faces, I remember the obsession of them hanging around, I can sense they are basking in the sunlight, their trouble no worries no more

I detect they have changed and different, since the time they left and went away

There must be a way where I say “I love you” and let them know this each and every day


So when I feel like this, I head out to the forest, where my eyes are adorned by lush filled green leaves and wild flowers all around me

Each tree is full, each branch is dancing in the wind and down on the ground I can see and smell the fresh growth of moss on their trunks covering them making the trees ready for winter

Right beyond the trees, I knew were the red rock cliffs and caves in every nook and cranny where the animals rest when winter snow falls

Up in the sky, there are birds chirping and singing, as I can hear Mother Nature’s calls


The clarity and simplicity is what my head needed to see what life was all about and how I had drifted so far away, I forgot how to be enchanted by the silence and the beauty all around.

I wish I could bring this cluttered tree formation with me wherever I go

I wish I could smell the fragrance of the hundred shades of green as the sun peeks through the leaves and lets me know it’s the perfect time of the day to pray

And thank my God for the blessings bestowed upon me, and those with who I share life with and love forever with me stay

It’s a perfect time to make peace with inner self so that the pounding heartbeat fades and brings me back to the comfort and oak-filled oasis surrounding me and let me know, I am prepared for the change of season and reason under the stars of heaven and God’s purpose in keeping me safe