Alone in the Redwood Forest
Last night I looked up in the sky and felt a deep painful sensation penetrating my heart.
The dark black draped sky covered the billion stars that usually blink at me as I walk the dark alone
It was so harsh, so unexpected and most of all, it took my breath away, making me feel dizzy and lightheaded like never before I could recall
Except that time when I came back from the war and on my knees I fell, and thanked you from my heart so grateful, that like so many other, in the battle I did not fall
I wanted to feel alive again, I wanted to be free of worry and pain
I knew that running away was not the answer, so here deep in the forest I must stay until I could figure out a way
In time, I could breathe again, the pounding on my chest had stopped and the pain was almost completely gone
Staring up to the sky through the tall tall trees, I felt a lump in my throat and began to ask God why? Why do I feel this pain inside me, oh Lord, what have I done?
Do I not call you my Father, do I not embrace your only son? So tell me Lord, what evil sin have I done?
For years, I have been feeling lonely, oh not the kind where you are alone, but when you feel an emptiness inside you, a rapid heartbeat and a conscience that wouldn’t leave me alone
It happens each and every single time, I think about the past, and those who I had loved once before are now in heaven and already gone
I can’t forget their faces, I remember the obsession of them hanging around, I can sense they are basking in the sunlight, their trouble no worries no more
I detect they have changed and different, since the time they left and went away
There must be a way where I say “I love you” and let them know this each and every day
So when I feel like this, I head out to the forest, where my eyes are adorned by lush filled green leaves and wild flowers all around me
Each tree is full, each branch is dancing in the wind and down on the ground I can see and smell the fresh growth of moss on their trunks covering them making the trees ready for winter
Right beyond the trees, I knew were the red rock cliffs and caves in every nook and cranny where the animals rest when winter snow falls
Up in the sky, there are birds chirping and singing, as I can hear Mother Nature’s calls
The clarity and simplicity is what my head needed to see what life was all about and how I had drifted so far away, I forgot how to be enchanted by the silence and the beauty all around.
I wish I could bring this cluttered tree formation with me wherever I go
I wish I could smell the fragrance of the hundred shades of green as the sun peeks through the leaves and lets me know it’s the perfect time of the day to pray
And thank my God for the blessings bestowed upon me, and those with who I share life with and love forever with me stay
It’s a perfect time to make peace with inner self so that the pounding heartbeat fades and brings me back to the comfort and oak-filled oasis surrounding me and let me know, I am prepared for the change of season and reason under the stars of heaven and God’s purpose in keeping me safe