Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Demonic Sleepless Nights

Demonic Filled Sleepless Nights

Every person has a master. Every master controls the heart and soul of those vulnerable to disillusioned thoughts and sleepless nights. One could say this is a direct cause of sleep deprivation. Waking up in the middle of the night, I often gasp for air as I believed to be bleeding to death as if attacked by a demonic alien inside my own domain where I never felt safe enough to fight off the feelings of destiny and death on my own.

A choking sensation around my neck, I can feel the abnormal cardiac rhythms beating louder and causing my flesh to turn red as blood pulses heavily, rising to higher pressures preparing me for torture by the devil of vengeance and immorality. Even in my sleep I am vulnerable to his wicked ways as my mind strays into a deep sleep but yet I feel awake. 

My heart can foretell the dangers, my soul collapses with painless sensations as it embraces the darkness around me. For one minute, I am a soulless warrior, looking for the light. My dream has taken me down a path of demonic proportions and my rage comes to a boil as my wrath lashes out to against any resistance of those remaining souls of lost warriors who try to save me in vain.
There are no terminations of my sleepless nightmares. It is a constant pulsating ghastly experience I cannot control. My mind is now in the hands of the devil as he rules the shadows. 

The heathen-like hate burns inside my head; for all practical purposes, I feel like I am dead. Bleeding all over, the blood spills on my hands, pillow and the walls. It is as if Satan himself has called me. 

Somewhere inside my mind there gathers an abnormal mass of festered evil; the kind that bring those with souls to their knees and ask for mercy. For a moment, I see the devil smile as he is pleased with the manner he controlled my mind and will. Metaphorically, the devil drinks my blood as I feel trapped inside this darkness. For a moment, the lightheaded sensation carries me away to another world as I am consumed with sinful thoughts and mystification. 

Standing there, in the darkened underworld, I hear the soulless warriors laughing. Skimming my mind to the last rational thought I gathered, I realize my head is spinning too fast to make any sense out of this confusion. I know my head is hard-wired for logic but my thoughts are wired on the high side and blurring the lines I  could only see if I was mentally awake. 

This sleepless night seems to last forever – my painless nights appear to sooth my soul enough to allow me to walk on the wild side a little bit longer. Inside my head, I wonder how long I can endure this bitter feeling and walk alongside the devil and live a full life knowing I  am a disciple of the devil. 

Credit my heart and faith for fighting this dreadful feeling. The tremors inside me shake my head into a spin that clear the clouds and gives me a clearer vision of who I am and where I am standing. Even while fighting the wickedness, I struggle to maintain a nexus to a reality that this is all but a dream and that I am really sleeping. 

My life is normal, yet the painless sleepless nights bring into a paranormal world where days are nights and nights are days. Even in my sleep, I find the extra time to see how everyone around me dies. Without a doubt, I give a damn about those dying but I feel helpless to do anything about the victims around me. Afraid to act out with kindness because the devil is standing there right beside me, smiling and laughing as thunderous as he can be. 

Naked to the underworld, exposed to the crippled souls around me, I feel the urge to stand up and walk away but my feet are frozen and my head is rolling into a spin that kisses the floor as I fall to a blood dampened marble tile underneath my body. In my ear, I hear unborn and unnamed diseases spread out around me and carried away by the wind. At the same time, the wind whispers in my ear, it’s all a dream. I think I am delusional. 

Somewhere in the distance, I hear the rolling thunder; the roof disappears to expose the sky and stars of the heavens. This makes me wonder if I am really awake or asleep as the surreal death around me is hard to justify if this is indeed real and tainted glory. Soon, I will see the light and the sleepless painless nights will be over. Somewhere deep, my faith restores my trust in the goodness in life and the darkness fades slowly. 

Out of time, my mind and soul will reluctantly be returned to me by the devil, making me wonder if death is really hard to justify even when you try to preserve the ones you love. With the light, the rats, the cockroaches and vampire bats disappear. The night is over. I pinch myself to see if I am real as the sweat rolls off my wet pale flesh and the dried up blood under my fingernails makes me wonder, if the perceived demise of man was real or if it was just vision.