Setting Boundaries

Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 22, 2016

Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries with Difficult People

Tim Richardson

Life is not as complicated as we make it when we follow or establish some reasonable boundaries in our lifestyle, behaviors or choices. Boundaries are not about making threats or ultimatums. This is a process that determines choices, and consequences for good or bad decisions made. One cannot function in a wellness state of mind without boundaries.

Boundaries are space setters. It is an imaginable or intangible limit imposed between you and another person either in personal or professional relationships. What makes boundaries difficult to adhere to or follow is the fact that they are guided on your morality or values and not identified clearly by a razor wire fence or stakes in the ground telling you where you should go and how you should proceed. This places all the responsibilities on you, the gatekeeper of your mind and heart. Whether or not you cross that line and open that forbidden gate is entirely up to you.

Setting boundaries are invisible arrangements of rules which ensure your trustworthiness as well as those of others. Boundaries serve as tools for protection as well as comfort. It is a simple way of taking care of yourself in life. Good boundaries don’t always come easy and have to be learned the hard way sometimes. It can be easier if you could watch others cross boundaries and see what happens to them when they do but it just doesn’t work that way.

Therefore, the way you grow up sets up these boundaries and hopefully you learn from your mistakes and not repeat them as you define their consequences in your life. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, then chances are you have not learned how to set a boundary or even really know what it is.

Learning to set our own healthy boundaries is an exercise in personal freedom. It means getting to know ourselves and increasing our awareness of where we stand and what we stand for. It means letting go of the unhealthy things or people in our lives so that we can grow into the healthy person that we were meant to be.

How to set boundaries requires the ability to communicate and communicate without blaming or lying about the circumstances, emotions or the impacts. Avoidance is not conducive to setting these parameters in your life and the better you detail your feelings, expectations and perspectives, the more effective these boundaries serve your purpose in life.

It is impossible to set boundaries without setting consequences. If you are setting boundaries in a relationship, it is important that your reactions and interactions are consistent with your values and expectations and if the other person(s) disregard your attitudes, then you need to confront them and tell them you cannot or will not tolerate such abuse of your values and not put up with it without taking the appropriate action to either redirect the relationship or terminate it.