Wasted Honor -

Carl R. ToersBijns is the author of the Wasted Honor Trilogy [Wasted Honor I,II and Gorilla Justice] and his newest book From the Womb to the Tomb, the Tony Lester Story, which is a reflection of his life and his experiences as a correctional officer and a correctional administrator retiring with the rank of deputy warden in the New Mexico and Arizona correctional systems.

Carl also wrote a book on his combat experience in the Kindle book titled - Combat Medic - Men with destiny - A red cross of Valor -

Carl is considered by many a rogue expert in the field of prison security systems since leaving the profession. Carl has been involved in the design of many pilot programs related to mental health treatment, security threat groups, suicide prevention, and maximum custody operational plans including double bunking max inmates and enhancing security for staff. He invites you to read his books so you can understand and grasp the cultural and political implications and influences of these prisons. He deals with the emotions, the stress and anxiety as well as the realities faced working inside a prison. He deals with the occupational risks while elaborating on the psychological impact of both prison worker and prisoner.

His most recent book, Gorilla Justice, is an un-edited raw fictional version of realistic prison experiences and events through the eyes of an anecdotal translation of the inmate’s plight and suffering while enduring the harsh and toxic prison environment including solitary confinement.

Carl has been interviewed by numerous news stations and newspapers in Phoenix regarding the escape from the Kingman prison and other high profile media cases related to wrongful deaths and suicides inside prisons. His insights have been solicited by the ACLU, Amnesty International, and various other legal firms representing solitary confinement cases in California and Arizona. He is currently working on the STG Step Down program at Pelican Bay and has offered his own experience insights with the Center of Constitutional Rights lawyers and interns to establish a core program at the SHU units. He has personally corresponded and written with SHU prisoners to assess the living conditions and how it impacts their long term placement inside these type of units that are similar to those in Arizona Florence Eyman special management unit where Carl was a unit deputy warden for almost two years before his promotion to Deputy Warden of Operations in Safford and Eyman.

He is a strong advocate for the mentally ill and is a board member of David's Hope Inc. a non-profit advocacy group in Phoenix and also serves as a senior advisor for Law Enforcement Officers Advocates Council in Chino, California As a subject matter expert and corrections consultant, Carl has provided interviews and spoken on national and international radio talk shows e.g. BBC CBC Lou Show & TV shows as well as the Associated Press.

I use sarcasm, satire, parodies and other means to make you think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Never Quit Life

Never Quit Life
Psalm 23 [revised]

It was true, I was once a fool, a fool who fell so hard, and I didn’t know where to pick up the pieces and find a new start
Forty some years ago, I walked through the valley of the shadow of death as a soldier and as a twenty year old man
It took me this long and a little bit more to find out just where in this world I belonged and how this madness began
I took a look at my life, and realized that I could have lost everything including my soul, mind and life
If I would have surrendered my spirit, my body and let all things go and just follow the path without any strife.

Because up to that point in time, my life was no longer mine in time, it was completely gone
It belonged to the devil as he took everything that was fine as wine, and sang all the evil songs out of tune and out of time
I lost my life, my wife, my everything, the only thing I kept was my wedding ring, which really didn’t mean a thing
Eventually, I fought back, I took back what was rightfully mine and found the sunlight to shine on my face once again
As I walked through the valley of evil, I realized I had lost my mind, but never will that journey ever again begin

I took a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left to lose because I've been blasting and laughing so long, I never took the time to snooze
And even my children thought that my mind was blown and gone astray for I never came home long enough to stay
Between the liquor, the pills and the lustful desires, I never bothered to talk to anyone, and walk to someone special to put out this fire
But once I saw the sunlight and felt the warmth on my face, I knew my heart had new desires

But I never really saw that point they were trying to make, because I didn’t deserve a break
I mistreated myself like the punk I was, I threw a pity party every week and threw my life away
The devil was happy, the bartender was good and I was spending every penny I made on every whore that came my way
Even my momma thought I was gone, my mind was a wasted thing, she thought I would eventually end up dead, found in an outline made of chalk as the police told her I had met my maker

The black beauties, the rum and coke made it easier to trip to places like Lucy in the Sky
I loved to trip and I loved to laugh but the walking was hard as it was never a straight line to follow
I sat inside those smoky rooms, I listened to the music and the wine as other people yelled and hollered
Through the smoke, I saw people croak and feeling wasted all the time, but that didn’t bother me much at the time
But I never once lied to myself or tried to say, I loved being and living this way, as these times took away my pain

I was the fool, I made no rules and never realized how I was spending my life with all the hurt inside
Instead of thinking of someone else, I was living for myself and no one else but that was much denied
Living in a fool’s paradise with no daylight through the windows and seeing only street lights at night
I roamed the streets and bars of the city, looking for some free drinks and a couple of fights
Never dropping on my knees at night or saying a prayer, had I taken the blasphemy in line

Looking back, I knew I was sad, I never smiled or laughed like I do now but this is not then or now again
I can live a normal life, a family and a good looking wife, and even begin to believe in God again
I got me facing the truth, the mortal me and the weaknesses inside I cannot hide any longer
I became a man, chasing my dreams and got my self-respect back, as I look in the mirror back into my eyes
Too much foolishness, not enough faith, I had nothing but evil and money on my mind, and slowly, I knew I was going to die

No longer walking the valley of death with all the fear I once had, I can say don’t arouse my anger
I aint no fool, I aint no loser and I am but a heartbeat away from telling you what I need to say and say it loudly
As I am sixty seven now and I will live to see tomorrow or seventy eight without all that sorrow
The way things are going now, I know they tell me why I changed but deep inside, the PTSD, it still lurks away
Knowing that it only takes a certain flash or noise, to take everything I have, away.

Times for pain and time for hurting are gone now forever, as I can recall I was too blind to see
That the ones I hurt, the lives and hearts I broke were not only mine but other people besides me
So tell me why you want to go party all night, tell we why you want to dance with evil
So blind to see, you cannot feel the pain or sorrow that is headed your way tomorrow.
There is no happiness as you suffer, minute after minute, hour after hour
If you are thinking about quitting, make sure you remember why you started